Image from www.dailymail.co.ukThere's a lot of talk about how you should accept your partner exactly as he is and not try to change him. How you should love him flaws and all, and if you try to change him you're being selfish and/or should just find somebody else. I do not completely agree.
I do agree that you should accept your partner exactly as he is. Accept that he has flaws and acknowledge what those flaws are; accept that those flaws may very well be an important part of who he is. If you love him flaws and all, then that's great. However, if your feelings are for the man you hope to change him into and not for the man he is now, there's a problem.
"But I thought you just said it was ok to try and change him?" you ask.
Yes, I did say that. And in my mind, it's perfectly ok to try and change your SO. However, your relationship and feelings must not hinge on the outcome of your attempt.
There's nothing wrong with trying to get your special someone to adopt a healthier lifestyle, for example. Maybe he zones out for hours in front of the TV, noshing on cheetos as he mindlessly watches show after show. This certainly isn't healthy, so what's wrong with encouraging him to be a more active person and eating better?
Or maybe you find that he clams up and stops talking when he's upset, walking away from fights instead of resolving them. This lack of communication isn't any good for your relationship, since it creates resentment on both sides and you never really get to hear his side of the story until weeks later. So what's wrong with trying to change his habits and open up to you a little more?
Nothing's wrong with it --the changes you're trying to bring about are ones that are beneficial to your partner and your relationship. There's no benefit to a static relationship; you want one that grows and changes for the better. Why not take a hand in directing these changes?
The key is that you have to be satisfied and happy with your relationship as it is, even if he never learns to put his dirty socks in the hamper or she eats in bed and leaves crumbs on the pillow. When you try to change the other person, it's about trying to make a great thing even better --
not about trying to bring something up to snuff. So go ahead, try to change your partner. But make sure you don't mind if you fail.
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