We want to be good friends. We want our friends to be happy, we want the best for them --but sometimes, this leads us to constantly set aside our own wants and needs in our attempts to ensure the happiness of our friends. And this is definitely an admirable trait, but all too often, it backfires on us, becoming resentment or regret that creates tension and wears away at our friendships. So, please:
Do not play matchmaker for your friend and your crush!
I had a very painful falling-out with a formerly close friend of mine, some time ago. When this happened, she revealed that she had feelings for my boyfriend, and had in fact been harboring these feelings toward him even before I started dating him. Eventually, it was just too much for her to see us together and be reminded of her missed opportunity, so she cut off contact. She hasn't spoken to me since.
Now the thing is, if she had just told me that she liked him before we started dating, I would have backed off. I didn't even like him at the time when she began trying to get us together, and it never occurred to me that she might have feelings for him
because she was so insistent on getting us together. I dearly wish that I
had known earlier, because it absolutely was not worth losing a friend over.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years before she confessed this to us; and by that point, we had moved well past the stage where I could step aside and let her have her chance. If I could go back in time though, I would gladly let her ask him out first --maybe he still would've said no, but at least that missed opportunity wouldn't have festered away at our friendship.
You may think that you're doing your friend a favor, and that you're doing the selfless thing by ignoring your own feelings. But this only works for as long as you can ignore your feelings --and if those feelings
don't go away, it ends up screwing up your friendship. I still miss my friend terribly, and it ended up hurting me far more than if she'd just told me the truth from the beginning.
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Have you ever regretted setting up a crush with someone else?
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